Do you feel like it’s broken after breaking up? Understanding the 5 stages of sadness

Dividing is one of the most painful experiences we experience. Whether the relationship is long-term or short-term, our decision or not, it can be incredibly embarrassing.

While many people associate grief with the loss of a loved one, breakups can also cause a grief process. The end of a relationship represents the loss of not only people but also shared plans, experiences, hopes and dreams.

If you are experiencing pain and heartbreak at the end of a relationship, you may find comfort in understanding the psychological and emotional journey through the “five stages of sadness.”

Are you ready to take small, practical steps towards healing? Please take a look at the guide What to do after disbanding.

At a glance

If you feel emotionally overwhelmed, it can be helpful to retreat and understand what this type of sadness actually looks like.

Here’s a brief overview of what many people will experience after the breakup:

• rejection: You feel shocked, numb, or breakup doesn’t really happen. A mental pause before the pain begins.
• anger: Frustration, responsibility, or responsiveness – often masks for deeper scars and betrayal.
• negotiation: I wonder what’s different to regenerate the past and save the relationship.
• depression: Deep sadness, mutilation, and emotions were overwhelmed by loss, both emotionally and physically.
• accept: You will reconcile with the reality of breakup and slowly begin to feel like you are.

These stages are not checklists and rarely occur in order. But understanding them can give you a framework to recognize what you are going through and remind you that you are not alone in it.

Why does breakup feel like sadness and is it normal?

Concept of Five stages of sadness Originally developed by Elizabeth Kubler Ross In her book, On Death and Dying, she wrote after years of experience with terminally ill people.

Over time, however, this model has been adapted to help explain all different types of losses, including the termination of relationships.

However, it is important to remember that every division is unique and no one follows a linear path through grief. You can move these stages in different orders, cycle through them several times, and even feel like you’re in two stages at once.

Refusal: “This is not real”

When a breakup occurs, it is common to enter into a state of distrust or shock. You may feel emotionally paralyzed or isolated from reality. Negation acts as a defensive mechanism; It helps you deal with the intensity of the pain.

You might be telling yourself, “No, this isn’t the end” or “This won’t happen.” You may have trouble accepting that the relationship is really over, and you may want things to change.

At this stage, it is important to be kind to yourself. You may not be ready to fully embrace the situation any time soon, but that’s fine. It is your heart’s way of protecting you from pain. Give yourself some space to slowly understand what happened.

Anger: “How can they do this?”

Anger can take over once the initial impact begins to wear out. You may feel irritated, betrayed or even furious, especially if you didn’t see a breakup coming or feel unfairly treated in any way.

You may point this rage to your ex-partner, blame them for the end of the relationship and wonder, “How can they do this to me?” You may turn it inward and be mad at yourself.

Break-by-before anger often arises as a response to betrayal, rejection, or helplessness, which acts as a defense mechanism against the pain of loss. It can also be due to unmet expectations, unresolved issues, or sudden shocks of change.

Feelings of anger can be overwhelming, but it’s important to acknowledge them rather than restrain them. By realizing that feeling of anger becomes natural, you can handle it and get through it.

Negotiation: “If there is…”

At this stage, you may be stuck in a loop in the “what if” scenario. For example, “If I understood more” or “What if I told them earlier?” You may play your relationship over and over again.

Negotiations are often driven by feelings of helplessness and a desire to reverse or change the past. It’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself or imagining that one small change could have corrected everything. But the reality is that a relationship requires effort and commitment from both people in the relationship, and that’s all you really have control over.

This stage can feel heavy, but it also provides an opportunity to reflect on yourself. Take your time to explore what you’ve learned from the relationship and consider how you can grow from this experience. But be careful to do so with self-compassion.

Depression: “I don’t know who I am without them.”

When the reality of division begins, it is common to feel a deep sense of sadness and loss. Depression during division is not only a deep emotional weight that can feel low, but often even simple tasks can feel impossible. You may feel detached from your friends, family, and yourself.

Signs of depression during division include persistent sadness, loss of interest in activity, separation from your loved ones, and changes in sleep and appetite. You may also experience physical symptoms such as worthlessness, fatigue, difficulty in focusing, and pain and pain. Sometimes thoughts of death or suicide occur, indicating that immediate expert help is needed.

During this time, it is essential to grieve yourself. Socializing may feel drainage and you may want to withdraw to yourself. However, isolating yourself too much can make it difficult to navigate depression.

If you feel overwhelmed, consider seeking support from a psychologist or close friends who can help you work through emotions. Sometimes, just talking to someone you understand can make all the difference in the world.

Furthermore, breaking up can activate our attachment system and cause core emotional wounds, such as reinforcing feelings of deep sadness, such as feelings of “not enough” or “not loved.”

You are not alone in this. If you find your grief has become lasting or unbearable, grief counseling can provide support and guidance through this intense emotional terrain.

Accepted: “I still hurt, but I’m starting to feel like I am again.”

Finally, after navigating the pain, you reach the stage of acceptance. This does not mean you are not forgotten or injured anymore.

More than that, accept It’s about agreeing to break up and finding a way to move forward. You may feel that sadness or anger is no longer consumed (although some sadness may last a long time), and you may start to feel like you again.

At this stage, you may begin to reconstruct your sense of identity outside of your relationship. You can focus on self-care, pursue new hobbies, and strengthen relationships with friends and family. It may take some time, but this stage represents the beginning of healing and growth.

The key to acceptance is to understand that your past relationships do not define you. You are still worthy of love and happiness, and you can create new, fulfilling relationships for the future, whether it is romantic, platonic, or familial.

Are you reaching this point and wondering what’s coming next? Find your post-break emotional health checklist and find the next step on your path to recovery.

Can’t you lift your sadness? When finding additional support, see:

These stages are a natural part of the grief process, and healing is a deep, personal journey. Take the time needed to feel, reflect and grow at your own pace.

Do you need help? Our experienced team at Peaceful Mind Psychology is here to help you understand and support what you are feeling through the healing and reconstruction process.

Please contact us today. You don’t need to go through this alone.